There I was, enjoying a whole buncha joints on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. I’m with the homie. He’s rolling; I’m rolling. He’s smoking; I’m smoking.
Suddenly, a knock at the door.
A friendly knock? Oh no—a pounding, consistent knock that guarantees whoever’s on the other side of the door is not a friend. I panic, the homie panics, I tell him to hide everything (because that’s what it’s like when you live in an illegal state and are just at home getting high, minding your own business, not bothering a soul), and I open the door.
Who is it? The cops? Nope. It’s a dude from Craigslist who said he’d be by the house at noon to buy my refrigerator. I completely forgot he was coming by. What am I to do? I can’t tell him to come back later when I’m not ingesting illegal substances at World Record rates. So I let him—and his wife—in. The house reeks of cannabis. I mean, I was smoking all kinds of joints, moonrocks, and vapes.
They say nothing about the smell, he looks at the fridge, and decides he wants it. We agree that he’ll come back at 4 and pick it up. On the way out, he makes a comment about how, instead of moving heavy-ass furniture, he “wanted to be out by the pool, doing what these guys [the homie and I] are doing.” Then he turned to me and said, “I might have to buy something else from you.”
Not only does this stranger know I smoke and have nugs on deck, he also thinks I sell.
What’s my smell-killing solution for this conundrum? The same that yours should be if you ever find yourself in this crunch time position and need odors busted fast. Below, check out five products and steps to eliminate odors and keep your cannabis consumption a little more discreet.
Step 1: Ozium
Ozium’s the classic smoke eliminator that every cannabis enthusiast should use. It’s an air freshener with a vanilla and lemon-type scent that literally grabs smoke out of the air and punches it into another realm. While it won’t completely mask the scent, it’s a great base for all of the scents you’re about to throw into the atmosphere.
Step 2: Lysol All-Purpose Cleaner
You’re probably thinking that this is already a little extra, but the key to crunch-time-clean-out is a mix of overwhelming scents. Lysol APC has a strong bleachy-lemony aroma that throws another strong scent into the air (it’s also the perfect enabler to you wiping up lingering cannabis crumbs that reek).
Step 3: Nag Champa Incense
After your Ozium and Lysol wipe-down, it’s time to spark up some incense and flood the room with that strong Nag Champa smell. I’m a Nag Champa Lavender type of man, but any scent will work. The spices of the Nag Champa are so strong that they’ll provide a strong mask, not only for the cannabis smell, but also for the Ozium and Lysol scents that linger.
Step 4: Black Ice Little Trees Car Freshener
This is the final key. It’s the finisher. Black Ice is one of the most overwhelming scents known to man (and woman). Like, if someone would’ve had Black Ice on their person in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, they’d have had absolutely no chance of getting close enough to catch Blue—because you can seriously smell it from like, 8 miles away.
Grab a pack and place them strategically around the area you need to render nug-smells, and with the help of all your aforementioned other scents, it’s guaranteed to be the knockout punch for any remaining cannabis odors.
And that, my friends, is how you get rid of the smell of cannabis in an emergency situation. Or, just don’t get high and forget you’re supposed to sell your household appliances.